[Update: Wow... I came back to this post and finished it about a year later. Procrastinators unite... next year!]
I've been thinking about a lot lately. Namely, I've been ruminating about the way that I present myself and the way that people perceive me. I don't try to fit myself into a box; I don't (necessarily) try to make myself palatable.
The truth is that I'm not palatable. I engender a certain unease around those who know me, superficially.
I'm Black.
I'm a Woman.
(And less visibly) I'm Queer.
"Oh, here we go: Tell us how oppressed you are, Adia."
"Uh, oh: She's about to go all angry black woman on us!"
SHUN THE INTELLIGENT, BLACK WOMAN WITH OPINIONS. </drama>
I've been thinking about a lot lately. Namely, I've been ruminating about the way that I present myself and the way that people perceive me. I don't try to fit myself into a box; I don't (necessarily) try to make myself palatable.
The truth is that I'm not palatable. I engender a certain unease around those who know me, superficially.
I'm Black.
I'm a Woman.
(And less visibly) I'm Queer.
"Oh, here we go: Tell us how oppressed you are, Adia."
"Uh, oh: She's about to go all angry black woman on us!"
SHUN THE INTELLIGENT, BLACK WOMAN WITH OPINIONS. </drama>
With all of the harrowing events that have unfolded over the past year -- well, it's more like a consistent stream of awful things that have happened since the beginning of time, truthfully-- I am reminded of the fact that I'm not just subjugated but that I can be completely ignored.
My opinions can be casually disregarded as some unfounded manifestation of a self-created victimhood: race baiting, misandry, "The Gay Agenda." These are (apparently) the only explanations for the injustices that I could identify. If I am speaking to a person privileged in an area where I have a grievance, more often than not, I am met with a mindset so incorrigible that they could not deign to reconsider their well-established beliefs.
It is acutely apparent to me that some people cannot fathom that I would want equality without, obviously, calling for an eradication of the oppressor. No, sirs and ma'ams, I simply desire the eradication of oppressive mindsets and regimes.
This woman -- and I speak for myself and myself alone -- demands just a few, cost-free things:
I want to be regarded as an equal human being to those who are currently in power.
I want to be relevant to any and all conversations regarding my person, my body and my livelihood.
And, I want to be respected enough that other people don't see it fit to make governmental decisions in those arenas when those decisions absolutely have no bearing on how they live their lives whatsoever.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness -- what a scam. It's a boon for the privileged, though.
Bully for y'all --
I guess.
I can only speak my own truth, and some times (when I get it right), I can also touch on the truth for others. The recipients who really need to hear these truths are often reluctant to even consider the possibility that any one person, let alone an entire of people, suffers the way that I describe. Listen -- People will dig their nails deep into their privilege and use that comfort of it to block out the pain and injustice of others as "dramatic" or "baiting" or "false victimhood".
The Internet / Social Media are awful and wonderful conduits through which tough conversations can reach vast amounts of people and bring in valid perspectives. I truly wish that they could be more (holistically) beneficial spaces to host these discussions! Alas, we are inundated with the ever unwelcomed internet gangsters, trolls and cowards who feel the need to be cruel and abrasive where we honestly need understanding and open-mindedness. (Note: Open-mindedness is not to be confused with concession.) That being said, I believe that It's perfectly feasible, and natural, to be able to differ in opinion with someone, process their rebuttal, still disagree and speak to them with (at least) an iota of respect. You know, without resorting to name-calling or ad hominem fallacies or character assassination or general deflection from the REAL issue being discussed.
Although it is hard to have productive conversation in the sphere of social media, I have been blessed to have fruitful conversations in the personal sphere. Conversations that are difficult and fraught but necessary. Conversations that are insightful, empathetic and impassioned. The right conversations are being had but not necessarily with the right people; those who are afraid to confront the role that they play in perpetuating inequity.
I digress.
It's difficult to want to speak up when people are only 'listening' to respond; not for understanding. I have been accused of "pontificating" after I wrote a post [link] about why I didn't want people commenting (negatively or positively) on the articles that I shared on my Facebook wall. That was slightly amusing to me because I wasn't stifling a conversation, just asking people to discuss their opinions with me in my message inbox. Why is this a problem? Because people don't want to have discussions with you they just want to publicly call you out and tell you that you're wrong.
I'm not here for that. If you're really that concerned with 'educating' other people, you can take up that post. I didn't sign up for all that. I just want to share a damn article.
Here are a few (paraphrased) examples of what I consider to be some of the most head-scratching, insulting and insipid comments that I've seen on my timeline:
"[Insert any comment on systemic racism] can't be so because I've never experienced it."
"It's just a phase though, right? You don't really look gay."
"Stop blaming us because we're not all like that."
"Women always need a sword to fall on. Y'all will never be happy with what you have."
"If everyone would stop talking about it, this wouldn't be an issue anymore."
"It's insulting for a man to call himself a woman! It's insulting to God and it's insulting to me as a female."
"#AllLivesMatter"
"#NotAllMen"
"That happened like 600 years ago; Get over it."
"I just don't get why they need to rub it in my face. I don't care what you do at home but kids might see in public!"
"What about Black on Black crime?"
"I am not my ancestors!"
"That's reverse racism."
It is exhausting to hear people telling me that what I feel is wrong. It is infuriating when people are telling my people how to express their despair, their anger, their refusal to let injustices be ignored.
I actually don't need your comments of dissension or concurrence; I usually just want to rant or share an article that I found interesting. Those things aren't usually an all call for OpinionsFest 20XX!
However, if I do post my opinion (and ask for input) I invite anyone to question my beliefs, and ask for proof of how I came to some conclusion: totally fine. What I won't invite is anyone who believes that they are entitled to shut me down, insult me, and quiet and debase me simply because someone disagrees with something that I've posited. I won't accept anything less than respect, nor should that be expected of me.
Maybe I am self-imposing this silence because I don't want to do the work to combat that ignorance. Maybe I silence myself because I don't believe those people are worthy of my time.
Maybe I'll... just start writing again and chalk all of the riff raff up to a 'hazard of the job'.
Maybe, I'll choose to speak up.
My opinions can be casually disregarded as some unfounded manifestation of a self-created victimhood: race baiting, misandry, "The Gay Agenda." These are (apparently) the only explanations for the injustices that I could identify. If I am speaking to a person privileged in an area where I have a grievance, more often than not, I am met with a mindset so incorrigible that they could not deign to reconsider their well-established beliefs.
It is acutely apparent to me that some people cannot fathom that I would want equality without, obviously, calling for an eradication of the oppressor. No, sirs and ma'ams, I simply desire the eradication of oppressive mindsets and regimes.
This woman -- and I speak for myself and myself alone -- demands just a few, cost-free things:
I want to be regarded as an equal human being to those who are currently in power.
I want to be relevant to any and all conversations regarding my person, my body and my livelihood.
And, I want to be respected enough that other people don't see it fit to make governmental decisions in those arenas when those decisions absolutely have no bearing on how they live their lives whatsoever.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness -- what a scam. It's a boon for the privileged, though.
Bully for y'all --
I guess.
I can only speak my own truth, and some times (when I get it right), I can also touch on the truth for others. The recipients who really need to hear these truths are often reluctant to even consider the possibility that any one person, let alone an entire of people, suffers the way that I describe. Listen -- People will dig their nails deep into their privilege and use that comfort of it to block out the pain and injustice of others as "dramatic" or "baiting" or "false victimhood".
The Internet / Social Media are awful and wonderful conduits through which tough conversations can reach vast amounts of people and bring in valid perspectives. I truly wish that they could be more (holistically) beneficial spaces to host these discussions! Alas, we are inundated with the ever unwelcomed internet gangsters, trolls and cowards who feel the need to be cruel and abrasive where we honestly need understanding and open-mindedness. (Note: Open-mindedness is not to be confused with concession.) That being said, I believe that It's perfectly feasible, and natural, to be able to differ in opinion with someone, process their rebuttal, still disagree and speak to them with (at least) an iota of respect. You know, without resorting to name-calling or ad hominem fallacies or character assassination or general deflection from the REAL issue being discussed.
Although it is hard to have productive conversation in the sphere of social media, I have been blessed to have fruitful conversations in the personal sphere. Conversations that are difficult and fraught but necessary. Conversations that are insightful, empathetic and impassioned. The right conversations are being had but not necessarily with the right people; those who are afraid to confront the role that they play in perpetuating inequity.
I digress.
It's difficult to want to speak up when people are only 'listening' to respond; not for understanding. I have been accused of "pontificating" after I wrote a post [link] about why I didn't want people commenting (negatively or positively) on the articles that I shared on my Facebook wall. That was slightly amusing to me because I wasn't stifling a conversation, just asking people to discuss their opinions with me in my message inbox. Why is this a problem? Because people don't want to have discussions with you they just want to publicly call you out and tell you that you're wrong.
I'm not here for that. If you're really that concerned with 'educating' other people, you can take up that post. I didn't sign up for all that. I just want to share a damn article.
Here are a few (paraphrased) examples of what I consider to be some of the most head-scratching, insulting and insipid comments that I've seen on my timeline:
"[Insert any comment on systemic racism] can't be so because I've never experienced it."
"It's just a phase though, right? You don't really look gay."
"Stop blaming us because we're not all like that."
"Women always need a sword to fall on. Y'all will never be happy with what you have."
"If everyone would stop talking about it, this wouldn't be an issue anymore."
"It's insulting for a man to call himself a woman! It's insulting to God and it's insulting to me as a female."
"#AllLivesMatter"
"#NotAllMen"
"That happened like 600 years ago; Get over it."
"I just don't get why they need to rub it in my face. I don't care what you do at home but kids might see in public!"
"What about Black on Black crime?"
"I am not my ancestors!"
"That's reverse racism."
It is exhausting to hear people telling me that what I feel is wrong. It is infuriating when people are telling my people how to express their despair, their anger, their refusal to let injustices be ignored.
I actually don't need your comments of dissension or concurrence; I usually just want to rant or share an article that I found interesting. Those things aren't usually an all call for OpinionsFest 20XX!
However, if I do post my opinion (and ask for input) I invite anyone to question my beliefs, and ask for proof of how I came to some conclusion: totally fine. What I won't invite is anyone who believes that they are entitled to shut me down, insult me, and quiet and debase me simply because someone disagrees with something that I've posited. I won't accept anything less than respect, nor should that be expected of me.
Maybe I am self-imposing this silence because I don't want to do the work to combat that ignorance. Maybe I silence myself because I don't believe those people are worthy of my time.
Maybe I'll... just start writing again and chalk all of the riff raff up to a 'hazard of the job'.
Maybe, I'll choose to speak up.